I first saw Susie walking up the stairs in between classes when we were undergrads. I’m always attracted to a woman’s eyes, especially when they express a combination of playfulness and a hint of uncertainty.
A day or two later I saw her sitting in the cafeteria, passionately munching on an apple. I sat down nearby. Our eyes met and she continued to stare at me while chomping away. I let her finish the apple then struck up some kind of conversation. I found out that the uncertainty in her eyes had to do with relocating from Chicago to California and trying to find her bearings in an alien culture. She was very bright, still unsure about a major and smoked menthols.
As there was a very strong mutual attraction, I asked her out to dinner. One thing led to another and we wound up in my bedroom. I think I stripped first and sat on the edge of the bed waiting for her to follow my lead.
What I saw next was the most beautiful body this heterosexual male had ever seen in his life. Perfect. A classic 36-24-36 with c-cup plus breasts, flawless skin and a bush that could have been applied by an airbrush, just like in Playboy. I thought I had found sexual Nirvana.
What I did find once we started fucking is that she was without a doubt the worst sexual partner I’d ever had. As a psychic friend of mind would have described it, “Her soul is floating about twenty feet above her body.” After getting over the “I must be losing my touch” jag, I kept trying to create magic over the next few months, refusing to give up my paradigm that a body made for sex should be fabulous in bed.
It never happened. Susie was a woman with a perfect body who felt terribly uncomfortable in that perfect body. She was an asexual being confined to a body that our culture has defined as beautiful and desirable. Neither adjective fit the reality of Susie. I finally confronted her with the contradiction and she finally opened up to me about her discomfort. She simply didn’t feel sex was that important to her and found it impossible to live up to the expectations attached to her appearance.
I’ve been fortunate enough to have had sex with many different kinds of women before and since and can categorically state that sexual bliss is not something dependent on body type. We are all attracted to different body types. I have been intimate with all sorts of body types and I have learned that body types themselves are neither desirable or undesirable. Sexual attraction depends far more on the connection than the appearance, far more on the person inside than the outside. When that connection is there, you learn than all body types have a certain appeal and can generate excitement if the person inside that body feels the sexual drive inside and trusts you enough to share it with you.
So, if you’re beating yourself up about not having a perfect body, screw it. You might be much worse off if you had one, if there really is such a thing.